Can you be friends after a break-up?

Hi, another topic for the day.

Yes I'm wondering whether it's possibile. I've seen movies, I've heard stories, I've been through some of my own and I gotta say - it depends.


Here are some of my views on it.
Break-ups are hard. Not easy AT ALL, probably one of the most painful thing to experience in your lifetime and at such a young age. Its probably the second hardest thing to deal with in life besides the death of someone you love.

I feel you, you feel like your heart is shattered, broken up into pieces, you feel empty,hollow, and no clue what to do and where to go from here. You feel like you just lost something you'll never get back again, you feel like that is it - your life is OVER and you feel, where do I go from here NOW? Right?

Well my friend, let me tell you. I'm going through the same thing at the moment hence the need to express it out here. It hit me like a hurricane, out of nowhere and now that its done - there's no turning back only moving forward. There's two types of break ups from the way I see it in life.

1) Mutual Agreement - Because both of you suggested it and due to some big issue or clear dealbreaker there's no way it'll work even if you continue on so its a lot easier to break things off now than later [factors such as : Culture, Religion, Roots ]. Or both of you feel the same way and that it's better to part ways cause if not, it'll be like dragging on an attached anchor [ metaphorically ].

2) Messy Kind - Because EITHER party decided to move on aka cheat or get into some similar activity as such that makes the relationship end with a huge fight and hate and anger.

Yes, either way - both ways are dreadful. And we all want to know that we'll always be in touch with the other person simply because we experience the 'withdrawal' syndrome similar to drug withdrawal where we need more, and cravings develop and if there is a sudden halt to the supply of it all, we just go downhill from there. Lemme tell you this : IT'S NORMAL. 

I've cried myself to sleep, I had to tell myself to STOP thinking about the great times we had, although mine was more of a mutual agreement way, it was sad that we have to part ways but I never regretted the time that I had spent with him. Instead, I feel glad/grateful to have met such wonderful person in my life to open my eyes that there is hope out there for everyone. Yes it's ending now but I'm taking a few lessons with me from this relationship.

• In every end to a relationship - you learn things you never knew about yourself, about what you want in the future.  [The problem about relationships is that, you have to be in one to understand the whole process - from the start till the end, it hurts I know but you'll come out of it stronger and much more clarity to what you want in life ]
• To move on quicker - have more gratitude for what you've been through . [ Instead of thinking back and saying how I'll never have this again, be happy / glad it happened rather as many might even have/had experience what you did and every relationship is a special bond created between two people - I believe that's one of the most beautiful things life can ever give to you ]
• Moving on bit - Put your drinks up to the sky, cheers to a new fresh start and an end to a wonderful chapter [if yours ended mutually good] and know that this is just the beginning. 

Thats how you should look at the relationship when it ends. I'm speaking here if it ended mutually with both party agreeing it's the best thing to do. Sorry if my points are not relevant for the 'messier-kind' of break-ups but those are easier to go through because you have resentment against them and you actually feel relieved once it's over. So i'm going to focus more on the 'mutual agreement' kind where you both care for each other to know that they deserve better. 

So main question now that : It's over + your heart is empty + you still want to be friends with them, still.

Here's my advice/point of view personally. 

• I'm sure both of you did say something like 'let's still be friend's ' and etc. From there on, whether it'll actually happen or not - no one knows. To save your heart from breaking further, I would say don't hope too much for it and if it happens and you two are friends again, then great but if not, know that it's not as easy as you think it is. You can't pull two hearts that feel/felt the same for each other apart so its all about accepting. LOADS of acceptance to be able to enter the 'friendship' zone again. If either party fails, it wouldn't work out. 
• If you're friends then - Good for you, most likely you'll be friends after a mutual agreement to end a relationship simply because you both have the same mentally and understanding towards each other's life path and needs and that sort of connection is rare to find - its worth keeping in your life circle of friends. If they mean that much to you, don't lose touch with them. 
• Its harsh to say this but think of this way - the longer and the more you dwell on the past, the harder it is to move on to the future . An end of a relationship means you have to start to let go of what once was - if you do it gradually it's a lot healthier but you need to start somewhere. Its not end of the world, it's not forever. Trust me when I say you'll move on, life has its way of taking your mind of the past if you live in the present. 
• Be positive. As hard as it is right and as cliche as it sounds, you owe it to yourself to be positive at this time of your life - know that maybe it just wasn't meant to be and you deserve something better coming ahead. 

--------------------------------------------------xoxoxo-------------------------------------------------------------

Trust me, I'm such a hypocrite right now. I'm currently going through all this heartbreak stages and it truly stinks. I wish this wouldn't happen, I wish there was some way we could compromise because moving on without all of those times makes me feel so empty inside so yes, I'm writing this hoping to cheer myself up. 

I also know, I cant force him to keep in contact with me, I dont have such control over anyone really so all I have is myself to depend on. If you can't change the situation, change the way you look/handle the situation.  

Friends and family will be there for you, but you have to be there for YOU too. Don't blame yourself and don't put yourself low - that's what I learnt. You did the best you could in the relationship, you loved the person as purely and as genuine with all your heart as you could, there's no regrets [If there is, I would suggest do what you can to not have any regrets! ] but yes, in my case.. I know I did all that ever since I started, and I knew then eventually it would come to this day no matter how much both of us avoided the question. It was either now or later and later would mean a lot more because of added time and more memories together. 

I guess in my case, it was best that we ended things now. I hope *crossmyfingers* that we still get to be friends because it felt like I was with my best friend throughout our journey and I wouldn't want to lose that friendship but nevertheless, whether that's true - I have no control or clue over that. All I can do is to wipe the tears, smile at the memories, cherish the pictures/messages and etc , feel glad I got to be part of a wonderful relationship and move on. :) 

I know at this moment, it hurts like hell.. but I also know deep down inside, it's the mature decision that has to be made and that if we both really love each other, we need to be self-less in what we want at this present moment and focus on each other's happiness in the long run.That's how I see it. 

After all that insight and views on this question, can you still be friends with someone you once love and still care for their happiness whether you're together or not? YES. You might not be together anymore, so what?! Your relationship started off from friendship but you shouldn't allow it to take a toll on your friendship. If either party can understand that, then even more so, it wasn't meant to be from the very beginning - be glad it's over! Hahaha. 

Apologies for such a long post but if you're going through the same thing as me - here's a *massive hug* for you from me and know that you're NOT alone in this. And we'll get through it TOGETHER. 

Stay strong,

G.