Self Help - How to judge yourself less.

 

Hi, welcome back! This topic came to my mind when I was caught doing it and yes, I admit from time to time, thoughts such as- 'why can't I be like this *person*, why am I not able to progress as far as them, why don't I get invited' or even statements like this- 'I'm not worth my time and effort, why should I take care of myself when no one cares, nobody would notice me if I am not around anyways, I get it wrong all the time anyways so this mistake is my fault, I don't deserve to be healthy or fit, what is the point of trying when I know I'm going to fail anyways'.

This is some of the variation of thoughts, that came to my mind when I think about judging myself. Can I just say first and foremost that - THIS IS NORMAL. Unless you have not made a mistake, let anyone down or have failed in anything in your life so far, then you may not know what judging yourself feels like. This post is not for you in this case. 

For the rest of us who have judge ourselves with ideas, words and concepts of being LESS than accepted, this post is for you. My aim is to NOT stop you from judging but to make you aware that when you are judging yourself, you're also seeing the good in you rather than allowing the thoughts to overwhelm you. 

Here are my 5 tips: 

1) Acknowledging the judgement and saying 'yes BUT...*positive outcome from having these thoughts*'.

How many times have you tell yourself you have failed at something and stop there. Allow it to consume you and your emotions allowing it to ruin your day? Well, if you've continued on and think about yes, BUT..I have also achieved so many other things. Now, these 'things that you have achieved' do not need to be bigger in comparison, you are merely listing things that you have done/achieved to show yourself that actually, I'm not a COMPLETE failure.. I have done this and this, so yes I am not a complete failure, I just need to try another approach or another project/job that suits me.

2) Focus on what you do well and allow yourself more kindness when it comes to things you are learning. 

How many times have we say to ourselves that we are bad at for example: communication, therefore I should not be in a job that relies massively on communication for example, a sales job. When it comes to learning something new or going outside your comfort zone, you've got the bravery to start it up and go for it. Don't let one setback stop you entirely. Remember that, learning something new is expanding your knowledge and skills that you did not have before. Allow yourself more mistakes to learn from cause most times, during mistakes or negative setbacks are where you learn the most. 

3) Take yourself out of the equation, focus on how your body feels rather than allowing your mind to control you.

At this point is where your mind will result to negative talk, judgement. It comes up with all sorts of words and mindset to stop you from doing what you're currently doing. Sometimes it could be from a safety standpoint which is when it is correct but other times, it's from a point of 'not knowing the outcome or trying to keep you in your comfort zone'. A good example of this would be in social anxiety where going up to talk to someone, your mind is generating all the signals to STOP you from doing so but what you need to do, is to detach your body from your mind. Take a few deep breaths, ground yourself and say 'I am safe, I am whole and I am here'. Do this a few times and you'll notice the thoughts that you have will slowly fade away. I learnt this technique from Anxiety Rx by Russell Kennedy. Definitely worth a read!

4)These thoughts are not permanent. They come and go. 

Yes, in the moment, it will feel like it's taking over your life and your perspective of life has changed or is clouded. I can guarantee you it is the same way when for example, you are hungry and all you can suddenly think about is FOOD and nothing else. The moment you eat, suddenly your thoughts of hunger are replaced with thoughts of being full, overeaten or food coma. This shows that your thoughts reflect your emotions, your signals in YOUR body that require attention. So instead of listening to what your mind says, find the root cause - find this signal in your body to address the issue. [This is another key thing I learnt from Russell Kennedy's book]

5) Divert your energy into doing things that makes you happy or that you're good at. 

This does not mean that you avoid doing anything new or outside your box, it just means to put equal amount of effort into doing activities that brings you joy and makes you feel satisfied. If all you ever do is be outside of your comfort zone, you will train your body to keep chasing the new factor. It is just as important to appreciate your skills/things that you have learnt or enjoy doing than learning something new all the time. Balance is key in all aspects of life.

Last but not least, don't be so hard on yourself. It make feel like end of world when the behavior of judging yourself is something you've grown comfortable with. Change is never easy which is I don't recommend you trying to 'STOP' judging but instead of be more aware of when you are judging yourself and combat it with a way that does not allow it to consume you.

I hope you enjoy this post, you can also follow me on my Instagram listed on the side panel. 

Have a wonderful day,

G